tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59704073208889766392011-10-21T07:25:02.952+13:00-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.comBlogger451100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-50849567705850218352011-05-15T20:59:00.000+12:002011-05-15T20:59:58.425+12:00

Five are real and five are fake... 1: Son of Bazerk 2: Evabody Killa 3: Buck Ten 4: No Face 5: Bad P 6: Large Professor 7: Dark Gable 8: Czar Tony 9: Giggilo Tony 10: Sangamon REALS: 1,4,6,7,9

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-1435340499453076962011-02-24T14:01:00.000+13:002011-02-24T14:01:28.791+13:00

Got out to get gas and cash today.  Lots of people out and about.  Not like normal, but I think people just want to get out of the house and see other people.  Our neighborhood is in great shape and most of the stores are open for business though the New World (grocery) and petrol station have long lines outside.  We're lucky. This particular crack in the wall seems bigger than it was before

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-80490176026284561932011-02-23T14:29:00.001+13:002011-02-23T22:29:19.522+13:00

The 6.3 looks like it occurred inside the Lyttleton Tunnel! Canterbury Quake Live

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-53375416710137052282011-02-02T20:43:00.001+13:002011-02-02T20:45:07.464+13:00

That's some mighty fine headlight there Lou.

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-78359237431698872162011-01-19T17:26:00.001+13:002011-01-19T17:27:52.355+13:00

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-43080465946657699702011-01-16T22:33:00.000+13:002011-01-16T22:33:41.056+13:00

So humid. Did I mention the humidity?  Didn't get many good photos due to being on a work trip and at the mercy of a tight schedule, but here are a few shots... 30,000 feet above the Australian outback.  This is what 96% of the continent looks like as far as I can tell.  We stayed at the JW Marriott which has been bombed three times in the last 10 years.  This is the view out my window.  

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-40099213068629647422011-01-16T14:22:00.001+13:002011-01-16T14:25:28.871+13:00

Another back yard sunset

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-35330392190355409552011-01-16T14:17:00.000+13:002011-01-16T14:17:04.965+13:00

Christchurch is a very flat city, but I managed to find a wicked steep street.

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-29194415346136171192011-01-05T16:36:00.001+13:002011-01-05T16:37:14.204+13:00

"I don't know where you people come from"

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-86006443512112524482011-01-04T00:37:00.002+13:002011-01-04T01:08:16.614+13:00

I went to Australia to the Brisbane airport to drop off a package and got the rest of the time off so I went to an area of Gold Coast in Queensland called Surfer's Paradise. You know, because I'm such a good surfer. Note: Never go to a country for one day because it looks really bad to customs when you come back. Beach at Surfer's ParadiseView of the city from the beach. The tall building is

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-74004307116683463302011-01-03T22:45:00.005+13:002011-01-04T22:20:13.478+13:00

My new car! Well, a 1972 Morris Mini Clubman but it only has 42k miles on it and one owner since new! This is a view from atop the Port Hills on the south side of Christchurch looking south into Lyttelton Harbour Another view into Lyttelton Harbor View looking east into the Pacific Ocean from the road to Godley Beach Park Another view on Godley Head Road, this time looking north.

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-18328308291929246712011-01-03T16:28:00.001+13:002011-01-03T22:44:49.792+13:00

I moved to Christchurch, New Zealand in September. Here are some photos of my adventures so far...I have a lemon tree right outside my bedroom window!Are you threatening me?There are an awful lot of Confederate battle flags around the South Island. I think they think it just means "South", and not "Slavery of an entire race of human beings".Another completely bizarre and inappropriate item. I

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-70499897010899175352009-07-13T10:32:00.000+12:002009-07-13T13:11:40.000+12:00

Letter sent to Sonic Drive In July 6, 2009. No reply.Hello, I've been living in the Seattle area for a little over three years and haven't seen a Sonic yet. I'm from a little town in Arkansas that has four of them!!! I think you could really break in to the market up here by catering to the more sophisticated pallet of the people of the Pacific Northwest. Let me suggest to you and the Sonic

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-91918137971272570472009-06-30T12:10:00.001+12:002011-01-04T21:27:20.613+13:00

I filed a restraining order that requires the word burrito to stay at lest 10 words away from the word breakfast. Are you kidding me, Hardee's?

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-57613129340809896212009-02-24T11:39:00.000+13:002009-02-24T11:56:51.084+13:00

NOTE: This month's new word is already on the urban dictionary, but I'm going to go ahead and list it here to help spread the word. Besides, I'm pretty sure this site gets more hits...Word: BigdiculousDefinition:When ridiculous just won't do.Example 1:Yo, that calculator watch is bigdiculous!Example 2:The size of my genitalia is bigdiculously small.That's small

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-41773742885764466702009-01-03T14:09:00.001+13:002009-01-03T14:34:33.715+13:00

As part of the 2009 Innovation Initiative that I just made up, Chainsaw Riggins will be introducing a series of New Words that will be submitted to the Library of Congress and The Daniel Webster Trust for More Gooder Words.The first in this series is:Word: SquirtchDefinition:The sound one makes when one would like to make his presence known in an awkward or dangerous situation.Example 1:When

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-46852315597359353212008-12-24T10:20:00.000+13:002008-12-24T10:22:46.085+13:00

Things She Blinded Me With...- Algebra II- Social Sudies- Home Economics- Underwater Basket Weaving- AP English- Science

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-36336396501020750702008-12-22T13:16:00.001+13:002008-12-22T16:37:37.577+13:00

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-40967089617269241512008-11-04T13:09:00.000+13:002008-11-04T13:13:26.410+13:00

Entering the gray season?courtesy o' marriedtothesea.com

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-16191897997780050052008-10-31T07:59:00.000+13:002008-10-31T08:21:39.048+13:00

Sea-Tac Airport in the days when the runway was used to park giant cars.Sent to City of Seatac Washington 10.11.08...I would like to propose that SeaTac Airport be re-named SeatTaco. I think that making the dual abbreviation one letter longer will bring a touch of class to the airport and surrounding township that will prove to be a boost to the local Mexican restaurant economy. Reply, forty-two

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-8167636681861097752008-10-03T11:07:00.000+13:002008-10-03T11:44:18.998+13:00

Wow.With all the media talk about what's good for Wall Street and what's good for Main Street, I think it should be noted that in 99% of the country  Main Street has been abandoned and moved out to the strip mall next to the Wal Mart.Sanks to the Fayetteville Flyer for the ruby starfruit goodness.

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-77362218006999951222008-09-25T11:42:00.000+12:002008-09-25T12:05:01.409+12:00

DIARREAH!!!CLEARWATER FL: The John McCain Campaign announced early Thursday morning that it would seek to postpone that day's algebra test due to a tummy ache.  A spokesmommy also requested that other students suspend studying until the Republican Senator can convince his study group to come to a consensus  on the issue of fractional exponents.  The Obama campaign confirmed that it would show up

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-13146858437664322042008-09-07T08:28:00.000+12:002008-09-07T08:48:11.782+12:00

ShamWOW????"My intestines are riddled with thousands of tapeworms!"Sounds like a sham, indeed. I think Billy Mays is behind this blantant infringement on my right and the rights of The Bohannon Institute of Trademarks (TM) to freely and opleny market fake products.(EDITORS NOTE: While typing this expose, Billy Mays possesed my television pushing "Fix It" ("now the scratch has met its match"))  

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-35712207014967914682008-08-27T06:14:00.001+12:002008-09-16T07:33:24.592+12:00

It is rumored that Democratic Vice Presidential Nominee Joe Biden (D-DE) is a covert agent of Hinduism. The news comes on the second day of the Democratic National Convention that when Senator Biden was in Elementary School in Scranton Pennsylvania he was registered as a Hindu, although no such registration was required by the state at that time.This story has been circulated by Sri Lankan

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-47270467396269554522008-08-19T08:20:00.001+12:002008-08-19T08:26:57.788+12:00

DSC00305Originally uploaded by Chainsaw RigginsNadine Arroy Rodriguez on member station KJZZ has the latest...Do yourself a favor and just skip to the end of this clip and listen to her pronounce her name. It makes Alex Trabek look sound like George Bush on Dramamine. This photo doesn't have anything to do with the post, but I just though it needed to be seen.

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-62799326108053282162008-08-01T12:02:00.000+12:002008-08-01T12:13:42.447+12:00

Sent 6.26.08 to Acuvue, 1-800 Contacts, and Bausch & Lomb. As of today, no replies. This copy went to Acuvue... Hello Mr Vue. I'd like to tell you about the new product I have created which is intended to be a great equalizer in the office. Everyone knows men are notorious for letting their eyes wander while conversing with the opposite sex. Whether it be the secretary, the typist, the

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-34870712701436848402008-07-10T04:47:00.000+12:002008-07-10T04:51:29.283+12:00

Eleanor BeardsleyBaxter BlackAudie CornishDave DaviesMandalit del BarcoDavid FolkenflikNathan HitlerstalinRusty HodgeScott HorsleyPeter OverbyOfeibea Quist-ArctonRob SachsOliver Wang

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-75723529226664324122008-07-08T07:05:00.001+12:002008-07-30T11:26:30.878+12:00

Lifted from Andrew Sullivan...

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-37193860868199233262008-07-02T13:06:00.000+12:002008-07-02T13:40:35.683+12:00

My reaction to Fox "News" Television Space Waster E.D. Hill's description of Barak and Michelle Obama's dap after the June 3rd primary in St Paul led me to send the following email to every Fox email address I could round up...I would like to request that on all future broadcasts, all personnel refer to a handshake as a "PATRIOT PALM BOUNCE" to avoid confusion with the dreaded "TERRORIST FIST JAB

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-7651436650412224892008-06-19T11:42:00.000+12:002008-06-25T14:32:24.083+12:00

In a letter to Der Kraft Lebensmittel, I recently asked for some guidance regarding a pet project of mine here at The Bohannon Institute of Things That Smell Like Other Things... Sent 06.10.08:Hi Kim, I need to talk to one of your flavor specialists about the flavoring of CHICKEN IN A BISKIT. I need to know the consistency of the poultry slurry that produces a believable chicken flavor. I'm

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-53664623165090361382008-06-10T12:42:00.000+12:002008-06-10T13:38:56.570+12:00

This week's letter is to a small mom-and-pop operation out of California called Google. I believe it's some sort of typewriter store. Anyway, I filled out their product comment form on 06.02.08...Google product your story is about:Other - EmoticonsPlease tell us your story about this product.Hello Mr Google, My Name is Cameron Scott Riggins III. I represent the Bohannon Institute of Emoticon

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-77668440161916011662008-06-03T11:34:00.000+12:002008-06-04T05:07:27.114+12:00

A Letter Sent to USPS 05.14.08. Never got a reply, although they stated that I would receive a reply within 48 hours. I've hit a dry spell!Does the mailman have a key to the lobby of every apartment building in the city? Just wondering, because he gets in here somehow. Does he have to sign something that promises he won't do anything creepy? What if he was selling copies of the keys on the

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-7289248906973881242008-04-10T07:04:00.000+12:002008-04-10T07:16:44.983+12:00

I sent this one to Benny Hinn Ministries on Feb 14th, 2008, but never got a response for some reason...Dear Brother Hinn,... I would like to purchase a case of your tanning cream. You see, I live in the heathen city of Seattle Washington amongst the gays and the Japs and because of this blight, God doesn't allow the sun to shine upon the righteous. I hear that sitting in a tanning bed can often

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-50147006376843856492008-03-15T06:21:00.000+13:002008-03-17T06:20:00.712+13:00

TO: Glad Consumer ServicesDATE: 03.13.08Hello, I was walking through a parking lot yesterday and noticed a small 1.5"X1.5" ziplock bag on the ground with Batman logos all over it and it got me thinking. This would be great for selling crack. It's small so one could put just the right amount of rock in there without wasting a big bag. Plus it has Batman all over it, so kids know that it's for

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-1018726747367499732008-02-21T07:26:00.000+13:002008-02-23T12:34:12.304+13:00

Wow, I've got to say I'm impressed with FTD customer service for the timeliness of response and tenacity to pursue an absurd letter...The Letter to FTD.com... Dear F. Recently I attempted to order the Kama Sutra Lover's Chocolate Paintbox for my partner and was shocked to find out that the store where I tried to place the order would not agree to print the message I wanted on the card. Now, I

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-66251807277708459002008-02-06T17:33:00.000+13:002008-02-23T12:33:42.463+13:00

12.22.07TO: http://www.house-foods.com/contact_us.htmlHello Mr. Foods, I am delighted to tell you about the latest invention from CSR Consolidated called FauxFu(TM)! As the word leader in tofu manufacturing and distribution, I'm giving you the first chance in being a part of this endeavor.FauxFu (TM) is made from all natural hot dog meat and will be huge in the American South markets owing to

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-447213011997674352008-02-06T17:27:00.000+13:002008-02-23T12:35:04.447+13:00

August 10, 2007Greetings William Nestle Wonka,I have been eating Runts for a long long time. I was saddened by the elimination of the lime Runt in the late 90s, but somewhat placated with the addition of the watermelon and blue raspberry candies. This time however, you've gone too far.Orange, banana, strawberry, mango, and pineapple?What is this? This is the most bland combination of flavors

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-8520417595033449462008-02-06T17:21:00.000+13:002008-02-06T17:38:06.670+13:00

Date: Thu Oct 2, 2003 6:13 pmHello Mr. Fast,My name is Chainsaw Riggins and I represent the Bohannon Institute. I'd like to let you be the first to know that we have developed a new product that will sweep the dietary supplement industry by storm.The product is called TapeWOW! (TM) and it's due to be introduced into the market for the Christmas Holidays. We expect HUGE numbers by early

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-90583633014321302332008-02-06T17:12:00.000+13:002008-02-23T12:35:37.145+13:00

I've been working on a pilot episode of my new situation comedy "Too Many Grandmas". It's about a guy who goes to visit his grandmother at the nursing home, only to find that all the grandmas look the same. The kicker is that Pauly Shore is set to play, not only the nursing home visitor, but ALL the grandmas!Needless to say, wackiness ensues in the pilot episode when the main grandma,

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-49048476532160037092008-02-06T17:09:00.000+13:002008-02-23T12:36:37.402+13:00

To: Sent: Tuesday, October 01, 2002 6:31 PMSubject: GnusDid you ever think about making Gnus read the news. I think it would go a lot better. They can probably read better and aren't as ugly.Also, why don't you just say "There's a 50% chance of rain". That way you'll always be right because either it will rain, or it won't. Instead of consitently [sic] being wrong. Wouldn't that be nice.Chainsaw

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-75822215140571068092008-02-06T17:04:00.000+13:002008-04-11T06:53:38.653+12:00

Date: Tue Oct 1, 2002 4:11 pmHello Mr. French, my name is Chainsaw Riggins with the Chainsaw Riggins of Condiment Related Art and Culture and I would like to send one of my students to audition as your new mustard artist. She is 26 years old and has expressed an interest in mustard art since she was 4. She hasbeen offered many mustard art scholarships and is planning on starting school in

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-23398507964536966242008-02-06T17:01:00.000+13:002008-02-06T17:03:16.818+13:00

New show that I've been working on is debuting this fall. It's a reality show where a drunken, washed up classical pianist has to resort to working on a crab ship here in Seattle. The show intends to put a twist on the "ordinary man in extraordinary situation" theme. It's mostly just him sliding around on the deck and vomiting.It's called "Dudley-est Catch". Look for it on Lifetime.

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-80585254501789431582008-02-06T16:58:00.000+13:002008-02-06T17:01:01.500+13:00

This category will be dedicated to a series of letters I have written to companies over the past few years. Most companies don't bother to reply to my messages, but sometimes they do.

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-68913413569792466812008-02-06T16:25:00.000+13:002008-02-06T16:57:15.957+13:00

In college some friends had an idea to rate all the bathrooms in town. Since this was before Al Gore had the internets up to todays standards, this project never really got very far. So by the power of blog I give you The Chainsaw Riggins Guide to Seattle Area Restrooms.Rankings will be based on the following...CleanlinessCapacityInventoryPrivacy

-http://www.blogger.com/profile/07721568086420709841noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5970407320888976639.post-53311139646020223572008-02-06T15:48:00.000+13:002008-02-06T15:55:07.073+13:00

Submitted to levi.com, somewhere around 22 Nov 2002:I have an idea that will make Mr. Straus and me very rich. It's anew line of pant I call Reference Slacks. They're targeted to theinformation starved youth population. You see, in this day and age, kids cannot get enough information fromthe clothes they wear. What I am proposing is a pair of smart(literally) slacks that provide meaningful

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