New Product - Chickincense (Patent Pending)

In a letter to Der Kraft Lebensmittel, I recently asked for some guidance regarding a pet project of mine here at The Bohannon Institute of Things That Smell Like Other Things...

Sent 06.10.08:

Hi Kim, I need to talk to one of your flavor specialists about the flavoring of CHICKEN IN A BISKIT. I need to know the consistency of the poultry slurry that produces a believable chicken flavor. I'm working on a project that uses a similar emulsified meat mixture which is then baked onto a stick and cured for 45 days. It's intended use is as an aromatic smoke release device when lit directly by a flame. Anyway, I'm having a hard time keeping the cured, mechanically separated, liquefied matrix applied to the stick. I was hoping that if I could speak to one of your experts, I could get this consistency issue sorted out and finally get *Chickincense* (Patent Pending) on the market! Also, keep up the good work on those Nilla Cakestumps, they're DELICIOUS!!!


I received the following reply on 06.18.08:

Thank you for visiting http://www.kraftfoods.com/.

I am delighted to hear that you are pleased with our Nilla Cakesters. There's nothing more important to us than giving you, and every one of our consumers, products that are of the highest quality.

In addition, thank you for your interest in the manufacturing of our products. Enriched wheat flour is blended with water and other ingredients to form a dough. This dough is then formed into thin sheets and cut into cracker shape, salted if required and placed on a continuous moving oven. The crackers are baked in a gas-heated oven to remove the water and achieve the desired surface color. The savory seasoning is applied after the baking process. A vegetable oil is lightly applied after the baking process. I'm sorry to let you know that I won't be able to provide you with any further information because this information is proprietary.

Again, thanks for contacting us, and I hope you'll continue to enjoy our products.

[Jonny Redacted]
Associate Director, Consumer Relations

OK, I redacted the name, but I want to point out that the first name of the person that replied was the same as the name of the fuzzy person in the customer service photo above. Coincidence? Or is Kraft Foods just the most honest multi-national company in the world???

I'm going with coincidence.

And as a side note, There are three other "In a Biskits"...

Thanks to Lynn Diesel for the chicken pic!